Vibha and Viaan's Vratabandha Sanskaar - Insider Story!

 ना ना करते आखिर - Vratabandha Sanskaar (VBS) for Vibha and Viaan performed on 31 Dec 2022!

With already suffered trauma during our wedding, I was negating the idea of doing the thread ceremony. Plus 'How is it relevant in today's times' I said but नवरा suggested, "why not do some research and then with the right reasons decide our 'NO'".

My research started. I met many people, visited Ashrams, read many books, and started making my own notes. And wow! I realized- उपनयन is deep and different, beyond religions, castes, and gender! I documented and published my takeaways in the book 'Vratabandha Sanskaar for the Confused Contemporary'. It is a Sanskaar that has the potential to transform a family and is focused mainly on the holistic development of the child.

Having understood the deeper meaning of VBS, a year-long saga culminated in the Vratabandha Sanskaar for our twins- विभा व विआन on 31 December 2022. Just the way we wanted- low key, with close family and friends with VnV aligned and involved.

Sharing the highlights of how we implemented the same. Hoping this will help someone somewhere.

1. 1. Venue, Date and Time: Home sweet home! We put up a मांडव (tent house) in the front of the house for lunch arrangements. 31st being a Saturday, we thought this would be a good day for a new beginning! Doing VBS in the morning also helped the guests in reaching their 'evening destinations' on time :). No, we did not look at any special Muhurta (auspicious time) as such.

    2. Invitations: Online. A dear friend Kamalika helped us in designing them. All invitations were sent via WhatsApp.

1. 3. Decorations: Simple flower decoration from a local vendor.
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3. 4. Clothes: Kerala cotton attire during the main rituals (from Ramraj) and traditional Maharashtrian Nauvari (stitched from Vaidehi Joshi Pune: 9881504272) and Dhoti during lunch. We requested the invitees to avoid wearing any silk clothing and all happily agreed.
   
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   5. Guruji: We had Dr. Umesh Hegde and his wife (who has been unschooled all her life and are unschooling their children) as the Purohits for the VBS. They both are based out of Bangalore and are strong believers of अहिंसा. They also conduct regular online and offline educational sessions on जीवनशिक्षण.
5. They both guided and inducted VnV through face-to-face meetings and online before actual VBS. Our thoughts and preferences aligned in most of the cases and we were truly blessed to have them as our Purohits for the VBS. Dr. Umeshji can be reached at: 9449564552.

   

   
   
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   6. Method: Vedic method where each step and manta was well explained. It surely didn't fall in the regular Upanayanam template and was perfectly modified to suit the current times. What moved us was the Guruji not just instructing the kids but reciprocating by themselves taking the oath "जितकी तुमची जबाबदारी आहे शिकण्याची, आम्ही जबाबदारी घेतो तुम्हाला नीट मार्गदर्शन करण्याची" (Meaning: While you are on the path of learning, as your Gurus, we are taking up the responsibility of guiding you on the right path. If you falter we are equally responsible.). During VBS they also guided about the adolescent phase and the importance of sexuality education for kids.
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   7. Dakshina: Guruji did not prescribe any amount as such and said whatever we wish to give it should be with pure joy and not pressure. It did leave us a bot confused (not knowing if xx amount is right, but also made us feel good, that this is all beyond monetary give and take)
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   8. Food: Simple north Karnataka style food which was completely plant-based #vegan It sure was very hard to find a vendor who could cater to our needs in the given budget. Being in south India approaching caterers not to use curd, ghee or milk sure put us under disgusted lenses!
9. Thankfully we reconnected with Mr. Gopal ji (Santrupti: where Tejas used to go during snack time while working in the old office) He respected our choices and was more than happy to cater to our needs. He went out of his way and ensured the menu was #dairyfree and delivered it to our place (about 40 km far). The main dishes were PuranPoli & Bhaji (live counter), Batata bhaji, Matki usal, Methi paratha, rice etc
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    9. Make up: Light make-up for Vibha and me by a dear friend Vaishnavi. She has magical fingers! I leave it at that :)

    

    
    
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    10. Guests: A total of about 150 guests mainly friends, acquaintances, and immediate family.
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    11. Gifts: We invariable end up giving gifts to the subjects even if the invitation card says a 'no'- was our observation. The gifts though out of love, at times, can be duplicated, not needed at that point in time etc. So we tried to channelize both- our views and the guests' feelings around it in the invitation card.
    
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14. 12. Return Gifts: We wanted to have an event generating minimal waste and at the same time the return gift to be useful, memorable and pleasant. To address the packaging, I pulled out some of my sarees which I rarely use and got them stitched into pouches with velcro from a local tailor. The pouches are strong, durable and can be reused. In the bags we included 3 items:

    
15. 1. My book on VBS
16. 2. Authentic Kesar from Kashmir (from a vendor Tejas got acquainted with during his trip to Ladakh in Sep 2022)
17. 3. A customized silver keepsake from Sainkar Brothers, Pune. Excellent service, hohome-deliveredeat packing.

12. Photography: Our friends Abhishek and Amit whom we could हक से delegate this task along with all the mobile photographers :) And thanks to them, I have some fab stills to share!

13. मातृभोजन: Is generally a ritual during VBS where the mother feeds the children the last meal before entering ब्रह्मचर्य आश्रम. We however gave it a little twist! In the era of co-parenting, we made it a मातृ पितृ भोजन (Costumes). We did this the eve before VBS (30th) and preponed their 8th birthday celebration. It was a cozy karaoke evening. Made #plantbasedjellycake on special request from kids (Curacao and kaju katli flavors) with chole bhature menu from the restaurant within the society. What we did (and continue to do) differently?

Instead of blowing off candles, VnV lit lights to reinforce the thought-

तमसो मा ज्योतिर्गमय.

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